So I’m pleased to report everything seems to be going great guns in my little veggie garden. Well, almost everything. My snozcumbers are not happy. I’ve tried three times now and they just keep withering. I’ve grown them before very happily, but only ever in growbags. Sigh. I’m not good at failing at things. Humph. 

I’ve nurtured these little badgers for three months now, planting them carefully from seed into my propagator on the windowsill in the utility room, potting them on, hardening off blah blah blah. Then I put them out onto the plot, and within a day, they flop into a miserable heap. 

Disheartened, I’ve asked around and have a million suggestions as to what it could be. Too much water, not enough water, wrong soil, too hot, too cold, don’t water the leaves and more. You can see my problem here, I’ve actually got no bloomin’ idea.

The first ones I thought perhaps went out a bit prematurely. It’s sooooo difficult not to plant out a week earlier than you’re supposed to. This year, I dared to plant out half my courgettes a month earlier than the RHS website recommended. I know, I’m such a rebellious rule breaker. Truth is, they’re doing brilliantly, and I put the others out yesterday so I’m hoping it will stagger the crop and keep us in plentiful supply just a little bit longer. 

  
The second ones I thought were stomped on by the big fat dopey pheasant we have living in the field next door who got himself trapped inside my veggie patch. He was in quite a tither until I reminded him he was in fact a bird, with wings, who could fly. ‘Flap you daft bugger’ I squawk while gesticulating and demonstrating with my very own flappy flying motion. It must have worked as he did in fact remember he had the gift of flight and was away. Not before his wife Mrs Pheasant had enjoyed a delightful amouse-bouche of my newly sown grass seed I might add. 

And then the third lot, which I’ve been even more careful with, tending them daily indoors, taking them outside each day so they were really strong and ready for the outside world. And so yesterday, on a delightful day, I put out the final four as they came to be known. And no joke, within an hour, they all blew a huge big raspberry at me and flopped lifelessly. 

  
I’m pretty miffed, I’ll be honest. And a bit disheartened that all my hard work and time has been wasted. And I wouldn’t mind if I knew why they’d done this, but I still don’t. So that’s it, I’m now off to the local garden centre to buy some more snozcumber plants. 

Either that or I should just trot off to Lidl where a fully grown one is currently only 29p.